Love, Loss, Lessons Learned

I am no relationship expert, far from one really if you look at my recent track record: I loved a mentally abusive man, pushed away someone who did nothing but treat me kindly and gave me all the attention in the world, and now I’m seeing someone that is beyond intelligent, kind, mentally sound (thank goodness), and adventurous, yet often I can still be apprehensive. How is that some days everything can seem how it should be, yet I still find myself comparing the present to the past? Why does human nature have to be so tormenting in this way? When is good finally good enough? Questions like these come up in conversation with not only my friends, but with random strangers who reach out to me hoping I can offer examples of my personal experiences.

Recently, meaning the past 8 months or so, I’ve been receiving many emails from young girls inquiring about things ranging from long distance dating to dealing with a painful breakup. Although I’m finally in a happy place in my life now, for some time I was finding it difficult to always respond to these ladies, because one I don’t think I have any authority on the topic and two I was selfish and didn’t want to reopen any wounds I had recently sewn together. But now that I feel myself again I can’t help but want to write an open letter, to any ladies or men for that matter out there who are looking for a friendly reminder that love, although difficult, is beautiful and loss, although painful, can provide learning experiences.

Without further ado, to those who have inquired and to any others who care:

One of the common themes of the questions I received were in regards to long distance relationships. Some people wondered if they are worth it and if so how to manage them. My advice to you, if you feel that you can’t imagine passing up an experience and chance to get to know someone simply because you don’t live twenty minutes from one another then give it a shot. There is nothing more thrilling than being separated for any period of time and being reunited. You will learn to love airports. You’ll probably also start to hate them every time you have to say goodbye to one another, but just know that at the end of the day they’re just a flight away. In many ways long distance relationships allow for even better communication as a couple, because you’re forced to talk more since you can’t be physically next to one another. Send handwritten love letters. Mail packages filled with your significant other’s favorite candies and knick-knacks. Rejoice in the fact that someone is thinking of you while you’re thinking of him or her.

If you are nervous about infidelity and think you can’t trust someone then I would say avoid the situation. Although nothing may happen it will damage your relationship all the same, because half of your conversations will turn into interrogation sessions over Skype and you’ll be the one losing by sounding like the crazy person when really you may have every right to be suspicious. The long distance relationship I once thought was a real-life fairytale ended up to be a complete nightmare that I’m still trying to escape, but that wouldn’t stop me from trying a relationship like that again – it’s not the distance, it’s the person you’re involved with.

And for those of you who are suffering from heartache, I am so sorry. If only it were as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall into it. The best advice I have been able to recommend for others, and that I’ve tried to follow myself, is to distract yourself. For me I picked up playing tennis again. I watched every old movie I had wanted to see but never got around to. I spent time with my family and closest friends. I tried new things (skydiving was incredible, but obviously not for everyone). I learned to enjoy being alone and independent again. I always had joy knowing I didn’t have to rely on another person for my happiness and finding that part of me again has brought so much more peace and self-love into my life.

At the end of the day though it isn’t always up to us – it’s up to time. If you really feel like your earth has been shattered don’t expect that feeling to go away within a week or a month or even a few months. It has taken me just under a year to recover and recognize I’m much better off how I am now. But, be prepared to have lingering thoughts when you finally do start to see someone new.

My last bit of advice to you, from all the advice I’ve been given, is to try and avoid the bitterness that is comparing someone new to someone old. Whether the prior relationship ended on mutual, as-friendly-as-possible terms, or if it was a tumultuous, soul-crushing split, all comparing will do is leave you in a flat-lining relationship. It is inevitably going to happen, but you can work hard to make a conscious decision to accept that people are different and if you chose them there must be something redeeming in them even if it’s not what you’re used to.

Before I get even more sentimental and start quoting things from Gone With the Wind (my go to Romance movie), I hope that this answers some of your questions and provides a little insight as to how I’ve managed to navigate the game of love and loss in this life I’m living. I sure hope those of you who may or may not be struggling find some solace in your lives soon, too.

Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Why, Hello Again

For those who have inquired, yes I am alive — I was merely in need of a break from this blog to refresh myself and find joy in a life that I didn’t always fully share. But I am back and I’m teeming with excitement to tell a tad of what I have been up to.

After a wondrous spring in Europe I returned stateside in late May (sadly skipping out on a trip to Rome) to visit my family before heading to New York City for the summer. I didn’t realize what a relief it would be to return to Arizona, but I must admit having the comfort of my own home, my adorable dogs, and favorite Mexican food restaurant in my life again was just the detox I needed. I was there to watch my little sister, who is officially old, graduate from high school, which means I’m even older, because that happened to me just around four years ago. Times flies when minutes, days, months, and years go by. Am I right or am I right?



After just over a week home I repacked my three massive suitcases and hightailed it over to the Big Apple for a job freelancing at a magazine. The beginning of my stay here in the city was made even more perfect with the visit of my father who came to town to celebrate my 21st birthday with me. He certainly did not disappoint. That man went out every single night with me while he was here. Granted we never got too crazy, but who else can say they actually enjoy going with their 40-something-year-old father to a club? Probably not many. Sadly, all good things must come to an end and he shipped out and my workload shipped in.





Almost immediately I began drowning myself in work and a not-so-thrilling online biology class. The one downside of graduating early this December from college is that to make it happen I had to take a course this summer. Seeing as biology hasn’t been something I have consciously though about since 9th grade, it has been a less than enjoyable experience.



Fortunately, when I’m not playing scientist or sitting at my desk researching away for features at work, I am busy hunting down delicious brunch spots, visiting museums and memorials, and of course am glued to my bed watching anything and everything on Netflix. In many ways life is the same as it has ever been for me (photosynthesis labs excluded, of course). I do miss the freedom that was traveling from country to country every weekend in the spring, but I also relish in my summer’s structured lifestyle as well. My logical side thrives off of my routine, but my curious side finds it mundane some days. Luckily I have some of my best friends in the world surrounding me here so that allows for some delightful outings around town.








With all of that being said, I have certainly enjoyed disappearing off the map in regards to this blog, but hope to slowly adjust back into making it a weekly endeavor in my life. But for now I must bid adieu. Until next time…

Photos are from my Instagram.

Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Polka-dotted Perfection

Paris has finally been generous and graced me (and everyone else here) with beautiful weather today. For the occasion I decided to wear a dress I’ve been saving for a day just like this. I went on my usual stroll through the Jardin des Tuileries and then finished up with an hour in the Louvre. It’s really impossible to get tired of that museum, considering it has taken me four visits just to see half of it. I continue to be so thankful for the experiences I have had here. I will miss it dearly.







I’m wearing a Brooks Brothers dress, Zara shoes and a Kate Spade bag.


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Feeling Blue

My time in Paris is nearing its end and I can’t help but feel bittersweet about it. I’ve had the absolute time of my life here in Europe, but I am also so looking forward to heading to New York City for the summer for an amazing job opportunity. So today I decided to make a pun out of my how I feel inside with a little help on the outside.



Photos also seen on my Instagram.

I’m wearing a Brooks Brothers sweater, J.Crew skirt, Kate Spade bag, and Prada sandals.


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Finding Paradise

I just got back from one of the most beautiful and enjoyable trips of my life and I’m already itching to go back. I was in the Italian Riviera for four days visiting Cinque Terre for a little sun by the seaside. I finally was able to wear my colorful summer dresses that have been gathering dust in my closet for months now. The weather was perfect. The towns were perfect. And don’t even get me started on the food. Below was one of the days I spent visiting two of the small towns in Cinque Terre, Vernazza and Manarola. The colorful buildings built into the cliffs were like something out of a postcard/movie/dream, etc etc.
I was in absolute heaven.






I’m wearing Prada sandals, Perché bag, and Valentino sunglasses.


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Still Life On The Stairs


Today has been a lovely day. I finished one of my classes for the semester, I packed for my trip to Italy this weekend and now I’m watching a movie I haven’t yet seen, There Will Be Blood. I love new things. I’ve learned so much in my class and I’m excited for what’s to come from it. I’ve always dreamed of visiting Cinque Terre and the Italian Riviera so I can only imagine how spectacular the next four days will be. And finally, I love the simplicity of being excited over a movie I haven’t yet seen. Discovering something for the first time is always such a joy. I have been doing this all while wearing my new, favorite shoes — I own two pairs, in black and taupe.

What have you done today?

Bag by Perche and pants & shoes by Zara.


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Beautiful Bruges

A few weeks ago I traveled to Belgium for a handful of days to visit Brussels and Bruges. Without a doubt Bruges was the most beautiful part of the trip and one of the best parts of Europe thus far. For those of you who haven’t heard of Bruges, it’s a Medieval city with a lot of it’s original architecture still intact (aka it looks like it is out of a fairy tale). I spent the day climbing up the Belfort Tower and its 366 steps, which provided a lovely view of the city from above. Afterwards I took a little boat tour through the canals of the city (some consider it the Venice of the north) and ended the day having a three hour long late-lunch with a lovely Scottish couple I met. Although I enjoyed the entire day I imagine it would be even more enjoyable to visit with a friend in the future that way I wouldn’t have to be alone while being wide-eyed by all the beauty. Or perhaps I’m just looking for another excuse to go back. Can you blame me?






Photos from my Instagram.


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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Printemps à Paris


I still can’t get over the beauty of Paris and I imagine I never will. Today I strolled around with my friend, taking in the wonderful weather. This is relatively speaking of course. Good weather here at the moment means not drowning in rain or wearing a coat, even though if I were home in Arizona right now I would be wearing a sundress and sandals. However, I’ll take Paris over Phoenix any day.

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I’m wearing pretty much Zara everything: sweater, blazer, jeans, heels, and beanie, alongside a Kate Spade bag.

Photos by: Hector Salas Almeida


Yours Truly,
Lomax

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