It’s finally fall again and my goodness am I just obsessed with trees right now. I think fall turns me into a tree hugger in the sense that I want to hug all of the trees with orange, red, and yellow leaves to thank them for being so beautiful. I of course live in Arizona so that’s not really possible, so I just recollect on trips I’ve taken to other parts of the United States during this time of the year.
Last year was easily the most beautiful fall I’ve ever been able to experience. I spent time in a picture perfect suburb of Chicago, as well as rural Indiana (although Indiana is pretty much all rural if you ask me). Although I would struggle living in the Midwest I can’t help but be in love with how incredibly beautiful the landscape is in the fall. It’s as if everything comes to life in front of your eyes. Trees with a myriad of colorful leaves, beautiful red brick buildings to compliment them, and of course the crisp air that allows for the grass and leaves on the ground to crunch ever so slightly as you walk through the forestry. It’s truly a dream.
I am a very nostalgic person, which is somewhat of a curse at times. Last year was the first time I discovered love and what it felt like to just look at someone and be filled with joy. Last fall was in many ways a fairy tale for me. I say this because I still look back on and treasure all the wonderful memories that were given to me, but I also learned that not all good things last. It’s no different than the change of the seasons. You are in the middle of one season, let’s say summer, and all you dream about is fall, but as soon as fall is there you enjoy it for a week and then wish for winter to arrive.
This cycle is something we all fall into, and I think that is something that can translate into relationships. It can be difficult to stay content with a situation because it’s natural to always look forward to the next “best” thing in the relationship, but when does that end? When do you decide you are happy with what you have in the moment? Looking back I become rather somber thinking about last fall knowing my life is so different a year later now. However, I’m happy knowing that so many other aspects of my life have grown since the leaves last fell.
It’s strange how a moment so happy can make you feel so sad. I think about last fall and dancing to one of my favorite songs, I’ll Be Seeing You, by Billie Holiday at night under the stars. It was the first time I’d ever slow danced with a guy (high school wasn’t my cup of tea hence the wait), and it made me feel so special knowing someone thought enough of me to give me something I’d never had before. I can still remember the chill of the air outside and the sound of the leaves underneath my feet as I slowly shifted my legs from side to side. It was so simple and pure. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
Now this fall I’m a tad on the more lonely side, but that’s okay. In so many ways my life has picked up and I’m so proud of what I’ve accomplished recently. Soon I am heading to New York City for an internship interview. I go to Paris for the spring and can finally experience the European cultures I’ve been dying to immerse myself in. And last, I’m heading to New York again next summer before my last year of college begins. Accomplishments and excitement aside, I have the most incredible family that has always been supportive of me. No matter where I go, right or wrong, they are always there with me.
So sure I don’t have the same fairy tale experience this fall that I did last, and I don’t have the beautiful setting to at least enjoy the change of the season in, but I really don’t have anything to complain about. Since last fall I’ve had a very trying year and I still find myself battling things on a daily basis, but I’ve also never felt more sure about who I am as a person and that is something I am very thankful for. Seasons come and go, experiences happen, and struggles occur, but at the end of the day life goes on and I choose to go with it.